Getting the best childcare from your nanny

Every family wants essentially the same from their nanny, someone that they feel their children will be safe with and that is engaged and loving. Assuring that these goals are being met is the challenge for each parent. Obviously, if you fear in any way for the safety of your child that needs to be resolved immediately. Safety is the bare bones minimum that every family should expect from their nanny--and only the starting point to build upon.

Fortunately, in spite of what the media presents, few nannies abuse their charges. Once you are sure of your child’s safety there are many other issues to consider. Some of them are:

• The ages of your children. How many children is she responsible for?

• Salary?

• What was she hired to do?

• What are your expectations?

• Do you feel that she really enjoys working with your children or is it just a job to her?

• Is there an open line of communication between you and she?

• Is there a mutually respectful relationship between you and she?

Let’s take a look at each of the above points.

A nanny’s effectiveness can really be compromised by the ages and number of children she is responsible for. It is important that the nanny have suitable skills for the ages of your children Some nannies are great with one infant and cannot handle more than one child, or older children. Older kids require a nanny that can set real limits and command the respect of their charges. If your nanny has several kids to take care of, plus your home, it’s a safe bet that something is being compromised. Most every nanny works hard for her money and families need to be on the lookout for an overworked nanny. It may seem obvious but a nanny who is overburdened and under appreciated cannot be giving your children her best.

Salary is an important issue because what you can reasonably expect from your nanny is determined to a large extent by salary. A nanny with self-esteem will not work below what her market salary is. A nanny with low self-esteem will be influencing your children in ways that may not be beneficial to them. There is a marketplace and each skill a nanny brings to the table has a value. These skills are: experience, fluency, literacy, driving, awareness of child-development issues and education. The more of these you want the higher her salary is going to be.

What are your expectations? Do you want a person who’s going to clean your home and take care of the kids? Or do you want a person that will be able to educate your children and know age appropriate play and developmental stages? It’s not likely that the same person will be good at both, or even do both. The fundamental conflict is that a "nanny" is not going to do general housekeeping. If she does chances are she’s going to be looking for a new job sooner rather than later. Many problems arise because the family is not realistic about what to expect from their nanny and/or then change the job description after she has been hired and on the job.

When a nanny is hired it should be made as clear as possible what her responsibilities are. Her hours need to be defined and kept to. Live-in nannies must have a beginning time and a reasonable time when their day is over. Perhaps this should all be put in writing at the time she is hired. If changes are made, think about what the impact will be on the nanny and solicit her opinion. Remember, she is taking care of your children and everything you do will impact how she cares for them in one way or another.

Do you feel that she really enjoys working with your children, or is she doing this simply as a way to make a living? I think we have all seen nannies that look bored and disengaged from their charges. One of the things to look for is your child’s reaction when your nanny arrives and leaves. Is he/she happy to see her arrive and sad to see her go or is he/she scared and crying when she arrives.

As in all human relationships communication is often what makes the difference between a successful relationship and failure. Nannies in general are child-oriented and have a hard time being direct or confrontational with their employers(come to think of it who doesn’t-nannies even more so). There can also be cultural issues to further complicate things. I have spoken to dozens of nannies that are unhappy on their jobs and they often show their displeasure by voting with their feet, rather than by trying to work things out. They tend to let issues build up over time when they feel overwhelming they leave. Many of these departures could be avoided if only the nanny and the family had spoken about the problems before it reached a crisis. We encourage both nannies and families to get their issues out in the open. It usually isn’t realistic to expect that your nanny is going to come to you. You more often that not are going to have to take the initiative, and then be prepared to listen. You may get an earful. Note whether you feel that she has been able to be open with you. If not, she may be holding back things she is reluctant and afraid to say.

The best nanny/employer relationships are where there is a mutual respect between each party. Do you really like each other and feel that you know each other? The relationship with your nanny is unique and at its best enriches everyone, and most importantly, the lives of your children. Nannies need to feel valued in order to provide the nurturing, loving relationship that is so important for your children. When it works well, the nanny will touch your children’s lives in ways that will always be with them, and perhaps you as well.